The Little Black Dress

Every woman that follows fashion should have at least one little black dress in her closet at all times. Whether paired with closed toe heels for classy or  peep-toe for sassy looks, the LBD is a timeless classic that will never dissapoint if chosen and worn with style. 

Michael Kors RTW Fall 2009 

 Selecting the Dress

     When selecting the right little black dress to wear, there are three good “S” words to say to yourself. Ask yourself, is it sophisticated, sexy and in my size? If you are standing in front of the dressing room mirror  asking yourself for longer than five minutes if it is a dressy top or a dress, NO  it is not a dress. Put it down and please walk away from that future hot mess immediately.

Ah! What did I just say?! Put it down and back away, now.

Avoid wearing a little black dress that falls into the category of the other “S” words; too sheer, too short and  too manysparkles. This includes but is not limited to; sequins, rhinestones and the worst culprit of all things that sparkle too much, glitter.  Yes, there is such a thing as too much sparkle. Remember the glitter craze during the late 90s?

Exactly.

Yeah, I don’t know how but there is still glitter  in my closet from the 90s.  You could use laundry detergent, every industrial strength cleanser under the sun and it would not matter…glitter will never completely go away…EVER.  So if you can (and you should) avoid the bad S list when selecting your dress, do. Be yourself without compromising yourself. Besides, you will only hurt your reputation more than any bitchy girl’s gossip ever could simply by wearing a poorly picked dress.

Choose a dress that compliments your figure not the mannequin’s. Be proud of your best assets, whatever they are, keep in mind that you are only young once, they are not going to stay that high forever.

Now, while everyone loves to be the shining fashionista of the evening, dress etiquette is to be considered. It is polite to alternate nights with your friends between who gets to wear their little black dress. More than making sure that everyone gets a turn to be the vampy little vixen in the black dress, it ensures that no one shows up wearing the same color or even worse, the same dress. For the record, if you do not know (even if you should already know) wearing the same dress and colors in the same clique when going out for an event is a huge fashion faux pas and quite possibly the biggest fashion no-no.

But…should your frienemy steal a turn out of place, you are rightfully entitled to trump that bitch’s outfit the next time, no questions.

Before and after getting into the Dress

Before putting on your little black dress. First and foremost, shave or wax your legs and underarms, fur coats are to be worn, not grown. Once finished, moisturize immediately to allow the lotion enough time to dry before putting on the dress. Your dress’ mystery stains are the last thing you want someone to bring up as a conversation starter.

     Moving on, now this may be a sensitive subject for some but a realistic one regardless so it should be addressed. Body slimming and enhancing garments. They are nothing to be ashamed of at all, they exist for a reason.

Pobody’s nerfect.

If it makes you look better in that dress, go for it!

Style your hair and apply any makeup and perfume, polish your nails (and allow enough time for them to dry) all before putting on the dress. I have done this more times than I care to admit, please learn from my tragic mistakes.

After slipping into your fabulous new little black dress, accessorize it up and step into those fierce high heels if you are not driving. If you are driving, avoid wearing your high heels for two reasons; your safety and just as important, your shoes. Driving with your heels on over times ruins the back of the shoes with stains and scratches.

Wearing the Little Black Dress

     You are on your way to the event for the evening  in your amazing little black dress looking gorgeous as ever. If you are thinking, “Obviously, would I look anything less, ever? Perfect you are owning your look just as you should. Confidence is key to being stylish. Finally arriving, there are a couple of things you should take note of before ever walking in.

Arrive to the event knowing your designers head to toe, always.

Arriving late is often overlooked but not arriving too late. There is a difference between making an entrance and making an ass of yourself because you can’t seem to tell time,  it is a fine line but find it or you may not be invited back again.

Enter the room shoulders and head high, remember that elegance in that little black dress is not just in a woman’s attire but her walk as well, walk slower and with grace. Greet people and be friendly first, you did not spend the last hour getting ready just to flutter off towards the appetizers and cocktails.

Once you have mingled your way comfortably in enjoy it, but do not get too comfortable. You are to protect your little black dress.  Be it from the rain, snow, the host’s overly expressive hand with a cigarette and/or  from the loud drunken girl at the party.

No, it does not matter how hot the man standing next to the drunken little Miss Lush is, you stay clear of that hot mess. Think about it, for all you know, she is borderline projectile compliments of the four dirty martinis she just and there you are, about to take your gorgeous LBD and put it in the line of fire.

Hmm.

Let’s think on this one together…

Say it with me, “bad idea.”

(Side note: Don’t be that girl.)

Now, if for some unexpected reason there is another woman wearing your dress, make a joke of it. Do not be a bitch about it and scowl over your martini plotting to waste perfectly good vodka by spilling it on her and making her go home early so your dress can be the star.

But, but, but why you ask?

Three Personal Thoughts On This:

• She who throws the bigger bitch-fit has less class.
• Wearing a hideous frown is like wearing a stain on your face.
• A smile is the best accessory a woman can ever wear.

Taking Care of the Little Black Dress

     So after a few cocktails and hilarious conversations with beautiful people…the great party has come to a close and it is finally time to go home (maybe not alone) please remember that the floor is hardly an acceptable place for the little black dress especially if you are in it. I am not judging but try to keep these happenings down to a once a year maximum, your closet will thank you. You though, can thank me later when you are not that girl drawn on in sharpie marker and you, along with your gorgeous little black dress do not end up posted on the Internet.  That’s Miss Lush of the century’s job, not yours.

Keep yourself and dress classy not trashy

…And clean.

If it is designer and there are sequins, beads or delicate fabrics, dry clean it IMMEDIATELY. Do not think you can take matters into your own hands, please, you are only about to make a disaster that will leave you a crying mess to which I will only respond, “I told you so.”

Once safely home from the dry cleaners (and last night’s adventure) proudly return what can only be described as the queen of the closet back to her rightful throne, amidst the envious dresses that wish they were her.

As a final precaution, to prevent any bugs from attacking your beautiful dress in the closet, try to keep her in a protective clothing bag and also place a small handful of cedar chips on the closet floor, this should keep her safe from any harm.

And above all, remember to take it back out and  wear it, if  you selected it with style it will always stay in style regardless of trends.

_{“Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening.”}

_{-Coco Chanel}