Cause Even Drug Dealing Jailbait Deserves Rodarte

Meet Elena Perminova. She’s the baby momma of a Russian billionaire, she rotates Rodarte and Hermes like LookBook.nuers cycle through Forever21 and H&M, and she’s my new addiction, which is appropriate, cause she used to be a dealer.

A true motherland success story, Elena got her start pushing drugs in a disco in Novosibirsk (yes, disco is still very big in the former USSR, but I’ve heard it’s being phased out cause a new dance craze called “The Macarena” is sweeping the nation). She was busted at 16 and was almost killed by her drug dealing comrade for cooperating with police. Apparently, Russia hasn’t heard of a little thing called “witness-protection”, so if you see something, and then proceed to say something, there’s a good chance you’re gonna get sent home to your parents packed in a matryoshka.

Elena’s father, worried his daughter would wind up a corpse in Red Square, contacted Alexander Lebedev (aka the 488th richest man in the world), who at the time was a deputy lobbying for a program to keep snitches from getting stitches.

He offered to help Elena. A few years later they fell in love, she popped out a mini Alexander, and now, Elena travels the world attending fashion shows in outfits that get her snapped by The Facehunter, The Satorialist, Tommy Ton, Style.com and of course, Russian Vogue.

Had I known this path was possible, I would have been selling heroin and poppers to BeeGee lovers in Cleveland instead of studying for AP Chemistry when I was 16, but alas, I missed my true calling and ended up drug-free and with only Proenza for Target in my closet. le sigh…

All I know it that if fashion is your drug, I just found your pusher…

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